Hold on

I committed a sin the day I was born

I was born a girl……

Brought up to fit a mould

Of duties and expectations

Put down for giving opinions

Humiliated for having desires

Learning the art of self sacrifice

In the hope of being loved…

Like a puppet on a string

Turning this way and that

Following choices already made

Without the freedom to choose…

Going through expected motions

With emotions locked inside

In a life where nothing is mine

I have my dreams to hold on to

Dreams of making a difference…

Dreams of hope and love…

I send them out into the world

To be broken and trampled upon

Yet they come back smiling

As I refuse to give up and let them go……

picture courtesy http://creativewriting.ie/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/these_dreams_fly_on_fragile_wings_by_sophiaazhou-d5xeo691.jpg

Someone........somewhere.....

How I wish….

There was someone…..

Somewhere…..

Someone….

To whom I could run

With all my problems….

Someone….

Who would take charge

And tell me not to worry….

Someone…..

With whom I needn’t pretend

To be strong always…..

Someone…..

In whose comforting arms

I could cry my hurts away….

Someone…..

Who would allay my fears

About what is right or wrong….

Someone….

Who would help me take decisions

By sorting out my confusions…

Someone…..

To whom I could just talk

About anything and everything…..

Someone….

With whom I could share

My ideas, thoughts and feelings….

Someone….

Who cared enough

To spare some time for me…..

Someone…..

Who would surprise me

With little displays of affection….

Someone….

Who would make me laugh

And just be there for me…..

Someone…..

Who would appreciate

The little ways I show I care….

Someone….

Who would trust me

And share things with me….

Someone…..

Who would just hug me

For no reason at all….

Someone…..

Who would pamper me

The way I long to be…..

Someone….

Who thought I was special

Just the way I am….

How I wish….

For someone…….somewhere......

Motherhood: A Song For Life

Motherhood was not something that I was really ready for.  One moment I was a happy-go-lucky girl enjoying my job and spending the money I earned.  The next moment I was married and was a wife.  Just as I was getting used to my identity as a wife and daughter-in-law, I realized I was pregnant and about to be a mother.  Everyone around me was jubilant - my husband, my parents and my in-laws, but I was a bundle of mixed emotions.  I had no idea what was involved other than the fact there was a life growing inside me and I had to be careful about it.  I was happily unaware of the responsibility of being a mother.

Since there were no complications, life went on as usual until I received the first kick.  Suddenly the baby seemed very much alive and a part of me.  He arrived much later than the prescribed date, after almost a day of induced labour.  By then I was too tired and exhausted, and just plain relieved that finally it was over. 

But I was wrong.  It was not over, it was just the beginning.  As he first held on to my finger, it was the beginning of an incredible journey, a journey in which we both still grow together. 

Nothing had prepared me for this wonderful journey without a destination.  No one had told me about the wild roller coaster ride of emotions I would experience, or the fierce sense of protectiveness that I would feel towards my son. Suddenly my life seemed to have a meaning and I had a song to sing.  I felt needed as I had never felt before. 

The initial years were a period of learning to juggle my job and my new duties as a mother. The sleepIess nights, the endless worrying, teething troubles and all the baggage attached to growing up, were compensated by seeing him smiling at me with shining eyes filled with love.  His first step, first word, followed by so many other firsts, were all minor miracles.  I learnt how his hug or kiss could make all my tiredness vanish, how much his laughter could make me feel better. I often found myself looking at things through his eyes, and that opened up a world of childish wonder for me. Even when I had doubts about my abilities as a mother, when I would feel guilty about spending so much time at work, his absolute acceptance would allay my fears.

At that time, I used to wish that he would grow up fast, at least hold his head up, start walking, talking, feeding himself so that I would not be so rushed.  Now after sixteen years, I wonder where all the years in between have gone, and when he learnt to do all that on his own? He took a lot in his stride, especially my inexperience as a mother.  We still learn together, me to be a mother and he to be a son, on our journey of life. 

My second son was very much wanted and I thought I was much better prepared when he came around.  But motherhood is not something that can be taken for granted.  Each experience is unique and each child is different.  Yet the song remains the same, though the music changes.  The feelings do not change, although your world changes.

Just when I feel I know everything about being a mother, my kids teach me something new and bring out a part of me that I never knew existed before.  I feel blessed and believe that I have become a much better person because of them.

My First Born and My Little One

Abhishek and Abhimanyu

courtesy:http://www.womensweb.in/articles/motherhood-a-song-for-life-contest/?utm_source=WomensWeb&utm_campaign=06232090f9-Motherhood_A_Song_For_Life_10_25_2012&utm_medium=email

Who am I?

A collage of faces

On the canvas of my life

All belonging to me,

Yet standing apart….

Putting on one visage

Laying aside another…

A seamless transition

From one to the other

Playing various roles

Wearing different masks

Masquerading…..

In every relationship

So many identities

Within my entity

Boundaries merging

And fusing together

I seek my self

Among my ‘selves’

Searching….. for the

Reality of my existence

I try to remove the veils

But am unable to…

Which is the real me?

Am I one or many?

Who am I?

picture courtesy:http://heart-bytes.blogspot.in/

Our Love...

Our love….

Without red roses or love letters

Without gifts or candlelight dinners

Without any past or any future

Yet there, forever….

Our love…

A certainty felt deep inside

A trust, without any reason

A faith unexplained

A hope for holding on…

Our love…

In the sharing of thoughts

In moments of togetherness

In an unexpected phone call

In a gentle hug or a kiss..

Our love…

With the cadence of a faraway song

With the sensual swish of silk

With the fragrance of roses

On the blank pages of our lives…

picture courtesy:http://creativewriting.ie/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/prompt-love.jpg

Facebook Life

Leading two lives
On a parallel track
A real life with its daily grind
And a virtual life… on Facebook

Where routine and monotony
Blends into the ideal life…
Where life is seemingly perfect
All are happy families…

Where it is as wonderful
As we want it to be…
Where there are no problems
No tensions, everything is great…

Where photographs are posted
For likes, shares and comments…
Where envy is invoked by
Perfect pictures of perfect vacations..

Where the number of your friends
Is a measure of your popularity…
Where opinions of strangers and
Obscure ‘friends’ matter more….

Where reminders remind us
Of birthdays and anniversaries…
Where we can talk about things
Without really having to mean them…

Where our life is an open book
With selected chapters on display….
Where we reveal only what we
Want others to see…

Where we feel that all others are
Getting a better deal than us….
Where we are forced to read statuses
Whether interested or not…

Where we can give our opinion
On anything and everything…
Where sharing is more easier
Than something original to say….

Where we sit with our green light on
Waiting for someone to chat to….
Where we talk mostly to ourselves
And imagine people are listening….

Where we spend so much of our time
As life passes us by….

Parting...

Parting….

a cold fire

with warm embers

ever glowing

always ready

to leap into flame…

Parting….

the sun shining

behind clouds

hidden and unseen

feeling the warmth

of its presence

Parting…

the mild mist

hazily drifting

borne along by

a balmy breeze

scented and fragrant

Parting…

the mellow rain

softly falling

gently tugging

at the heart

to remember…

Parting…

the memories

flitting at random

in and out

of the caverns

of the mind…

Parting…

your love

even in absence

filling the spaces

beyond words

and distances….

Parting….

a dull ache

 in the heart

gentle and throbbing

holding on

until we meet again…

picture courtesy:http://creativewriting.ie/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/hello-goodbye2.jpg

Running away

She was running,

breathless and scared

through unfamiliar places..

Everything flashing by

moving in a blur

the wind on her face

whistling in her ear..

And still she ran….

into the unknown

only knowing that

she had to keep going

running this way and that

trying to be… what

they wanted her to be…

There was something

that pushed her on

so many expectations

so many dreams

all riding on her

till she began to believe

they were hers too…

Yet a vague sense

of doubt and disquiet..

as she tried to convince herself

that she was making up

for letting them down..

it was easier to accept,

than resist, until she was sure….

And so she ran on

away from her doubts

away from her fears…

away from her dreams….

little realizing that

She was running

away from herself too…

Maybe a day would come

when she could stop

and rest, and decide

what she wanted to do…

finding her own way

In her own time…

Till then, she had to go on….

picture courtesy:http://creativewriting.ie/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/prompt-22.jpg

The three of us

We’ve come such a long way

The three of us…

Through so many phases

So many stages….

Through childhood laughter and tears

Teenage heartaches and fears..

Through dressing up our dolls

to dressing up ourselves…

Through stylish trendy clothes

to shapeless maternity gowns...

Through changing hairstyles

and changing body shapes

Through crushes and infatuations

to love and relationships…

Through giggling and chuckling

to sharing secrets and dreams…

Through complaining about husbands

and feeling proud of our children...

Through different realities

And various priorities…

Yet together in spirit

The three of us..

there for each other

through all time…..

picture courtesy:http://creativewriting.ie/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/prompt-293.jpg

The Perfect Shot

She sat by the roadside

on a bulky suitcase…a picture

of fashionable elegance in a floppy hat

and cowboy boots….appearing

to have no care in the world….

Veiling the vulnerability in her eyes

behind cool shades…a veneer of

sophistication concealing

her uncertainties and the

insecure beating of her heart…

She had had enough of being

taken for granted…by family, friends…

and those who professed to love her..

For long, she had accepted their criticisms

as her faults, putting their needs before hers..

Moulding herself to their desires and

rising to their expectations…

putting her dreams on hold…

knowing she was being used, yet..

longing for their love and acceptance

She waited for the cameras to

get ready…holding her pose..

She wondered at the symbolism

and wished she could do the same

in her real life…just pack up and go…

To wherever her fancy took her…

footloose, and free to live her life

the way she wanted it to be….

Doing what she really loved

without trying to please anybody…

Yet knowing in her heart that

she would never be able to do so….

She cared too much, and people

had always been more important

to her than material things…

She valued relationships, where

she felt needed….although

at times they appeared one-sided

with everyone ready to take...

without any thought of giving…

The cameras rolled and the scene

was shot, framed for eternity…

without capturing the confusions

and thoughts that passed through

her mind in that instant….

picture courtesy:http://creativewriting.ie/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/prompt-30.jpg